Thoughts While Stoned

Has anyone else noticed that conservative blog, Six Meat Buffet, sounds suspiciously like a gay porn site on first glance?

Mark Zuckerberg is an Orwellian communist

NOT Mark Zuckerberg

Facebook is an evil force of nature; it must be stopped. We've already become a generation of mush-brained zombies gnawing on each other's collective id.

In a few years, there will be HTML-coded orgies, a mass clusterfuck of mouse-dicked Trekkies waxing philosophically on nephew Richie's newfound liberalism and Baby Chester's tit-stained baby photos.

Every nook and cranny will be consumed by Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg. So mark my words: America as we know it will cease to exist.

On GMail today, I received a chatbot message from 'Facebook.'

'Your friend so-and-so is feeling sleepy today," the Facebook chatbot said of my friend's supposed status. I don't give two clucks from a rooster's behind, Mr. Zuckerberg.

It's times like these where I thank God that I'm a libertarian socialist.

The Poetry of an Urban Grocery List

• Four Indian frozen dinners


• tuna fish


• Morningstar Farm sausages


• Soy chocolate milk


• Gouda cheese


• Rye bread


• Rosemary Triscuits


• Tub of raspberries


• Environmentally safe deodorant


• Febreeze


• Ground turkey meat


• Lettuce, tomatoes and onions


• Taco shells and mix


• Raspberry chocolate cookies

Fucking urbane!

Tony Awards live-blogging...sorta

I am eating Acapulco Caliente (mmm, sweet garlic butter shrimp) and watching the Tonys with my boyfriend. I still haven't seen 'Passing Strange' yet. The BF saw 'Passing Strange' Off-Broadway at Joe's Pub when it only cost $30.


8:51pm: Julie Chen's at the Tony Awards? Jesus, they either have low star wattage or I smell network synergy.

8:54pm: The dude from Fountains of Wayne co-wrote the score to 'Cry-Baby?' That's some crazy shit.

8:58pm: I fucking hate the dude from 'In the Heights.' His acceptance speech consisted of half-rapping his thank-yous. What a fucking douche.

8:59pm: Isn't 'In the Heights' just a slightly updated version of 'West Side Story' with rapping? Talk amongst yourselves.

9:01pm: A shirtless singing interlude from 'South Pacific?' Gee, someone likes to force male objectification down the gay viewing audience's collective throat.

9:04pm: 'South Pacific' is why most heterosexual dudes hate Broadway. Give me some 'Passing Strange,' 'Avenue Q' and Kiki and Herb.

9:07pm: The reason why the Tony Awards are full of shit: They rewarded 'Legally Blonde: The Musical' last year. Their opening number, "Oh My God, You Guys!", makes you wanna go ahead with your long-buried suicide attempt.

9:10pm: My boyfriend fell asleep. If gays are falling asleep, what hope is there for everyone else?

10 Hour Party People

The unwashed masses are roasting like sunbaked clams in Manchester, Tenn. for Bonnaroo this weekend. And I hate every last one of you.


You get to hear the snappy dancehall rhythms of M.I.A and the post-Graceland conga-rock of Vampire Weekend; the manic beatboxing of Brooklynite Reggie Watts and the souped-up speed metal of Metallica.

My Bonnaroo experience has faded into a distant memory of midnight drug-fueled nipplegazing and shifty-eyed penguins. After blankly ingesting a doobie laced with embalming fluid at Bonnaroo 2006, I blindly stumbled into a VIP Backstage area, where I proceeded to ruffle through unguarded watercoolers. After knocking over a couple of Dansini tubs, I lurched down a vacant camp lot (everyone was grooving to Radiohead at the time) before slumping over in a bed of weeds. At this point, I tripped balls to distorted Tim Burton-ifed versions of the Happy Feet cast.

I lasted ten hours.

There really isn't a point to this story.