I can't stop listening to this song

Cyborg r&b singer Janelle Monáe was originally schooled in Sondheim at the American Musical and Dramatic Academy in New York. Luckily for us, her Broadway dreams fell into the gutter.

Her futuristic rock opus, Metropolis will be released by P. Diddy's (or whatever the hell he calls himself these days) Bad Boy Entertainment. But don't let Douche McDouche's association sway you. The concept album is a homage to silent film director Fritz Lang as told by Monáe's alter-ego, Cindi Mayweather.

I can't stop listening to this song

The blogzines jizzed all over themselves in late-2007 with the release of Black Kids' four-song demo, Wizard of Ahhhs. With Morrissey-style vocals and spazzy neo-retro synths, "I'm Not Going to Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You" is a slice of indie-pop opium. With their recent Columbia Records debut and Letterman appearance, expect the hipstertards to fall back on the 'ol "slutty capitalist sell-outs" mememe.

I can't stop listening to this song

Santogold's "L.E.S. Artistes" is like The Hipster Handbook, but with throbbing handclaps and dripping sarcasm. Sometimes, I listen to this song without a trace of irony.

"It's true. New York City donkey-punches Nylon Taffeta Slim Fit-wearing nabes from suburbia," I sob.

If only Santi White asked me to appear in her hipper-than-thou vid. I would've danced my capri-fitted ass off.